December 17th, 2005

The world and I

Out of Body Experience

For the past few days I have realised that on entering office, and sitting on my seat I have what I want to call an Out of Body experience.
I am not me any more Dips, but DC, who works for this company. I impassively take a back seat, and do bare minimum work as and when required, just before deadlines. Its like Im a zombie. I am someone else..the body sitting here and doing work is someone else. I am the one who is somewhere else listening to music...there is this other person sitting in front of this screen doing some inane work, typing, with h eadphones on. I haev no feelings whatsoever gor the work going on, I feel nothing. I am not living...forget thriving...just surviving

I do not know exactly from when it has started...but when i noticed the early symptoms, i attributed it to pre-hols feeling..and perhaps now i can attribute it to just-back-from hols. But the fact of the matter is, I am no more the same enthusiastic hard-working person I was till some time ago.
It is slightly unnerving, because nothing seems to excite/move me. It has become a dull routine - surprisingly - because my job is anything but routine.
The pleasantries and topics touched upon with colleagues also has very slight variations, with more of my stress now on phone calls to frnds for intelligent stimulating conversation.
Excitement is sought after office hours - it is like I come to life the moment I step out of office. that everything in thw world is more intetresting than my work.

perhaps it is, perhaps it isnt. Perhaps what I need is patience, and a jolt - to somehow make myself come back to life - excitement and work...where I have some feelings...some feelings at all about what I am doing/ supposed to do.

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