March 28th, 2007

Confidences and news

While we were at the same organization, there was a lot of insider new that would come my way as well that of M. However, though we were both flatmates, met everyday and shared almost every story of our lives including, of course, talking of office, but we never divulged professional news or secrets to each other. Even the basic information requirement was via official mails, and not over a phone conversation - just like i would behave with another colleague. News of impending possible acquisitions would not be known by her (or to other frnds of mine who wanted to know if share prices could rise) and potential gossip would not find its way to me.
And, it was perfectly acceptable to both of us, and infact, I liked her for that, and Im guessing she me. It was (and is) considered basic business ethical behavior. The company divulges in you presuming your confidentiality on certain counts. That it will be open news tomorrow is a matter of tomorrow.
Yes, it was assumed by most initially that I would know stuff because we stayed together, but soon they knew better. And that helped in both our professional lives.
I mean, I would get news of changes in policy, resignations, recruitments, timelines and basic HR procedures only via usual channels, and not through her. Of course, if I had a whiff of info I could go ahead and ask and she would tell me, but we needed to know what to ask.

And all this even when we both knew how secretive we could be. That news never passes our lips till its out in the open.

This helped me cultivate a sphere of ppl who would give me vital information, rather, tune into the grapevine. A very useful habit for myself. To continue in future.

Hence, I do not understand the urge of people who want to tell all to their friends. Sure, trust is good and it all depends on people, and they will not tell anyone. However, news given in confidence should remain that way. Especially when you are responsible for keeping it that way.

Children

Most people love children. Their own, and others'. As a kid, I used to like children too. They were the only ones younger than me, they were dolls that were alive. I used to like playing with them. One wail, and I was out of there.

I can safely say that I have outgrown playing with dolls, plastic or human. I now respect human beings as that - human beings. Some are small and some grown up. Its just that I dont feel particularly at ease with the younger forms of human life...post a certain time. They are comfortable with me till that time, but yes, they do get on my nerves after a while. And yes, the wailing variety is DEFINITELY off my radar. Sure, pressed for options I would easily silence them (I inherit that from my Mom), but given an option, I would just flee. And baby goo and dribble doesnt do anything for my sensibilities. And unless the kid is exceptionally cute or has a wonderful redeeming quality, I dont find them "CUTE".

I find it particularly irritating and vexing when people talk of mistakes made by kids. Sure, children make mistakes and I make provision for that. But make sure they dont repeat it..n nmber of times, with me.
Even more demeaning to the child (I feel) is when people talk (in their presene or absence) of children keeping the atmosphere nice. What?! I say. I know there are husband-wives who became close due to their kid. but its hardly a reason! A child is exactly that - a child! Not a reason to keep home happy.
Sure, its fun to perpex a kid. "Go! Get the ball from that room!" Yeah its fun. However, more than once and you have to realise you are not treating them as human beings.

If you want either of the above, get a dog, or any other pet! A pet needs to be taken care of, and takes care of you. You will definitely have peace in house with a well liked pet - they sure dont like disturbances and if you are emotionally attached, you will take care not to hurt it by quarelling. A pet loves to be told to fetch imaginary object. Loves to be 'played' with.

A child needs to be treated the same as an elderly senile person. With respect, with understanding, and definitely not as a plaything. Children understand.They have brains. Dont mock them just because they look cute when perplexed.

Dont have a baby just to have peace or source of distraction in the house.
Treat a baby as a human being. Believe me, they will be better people, not only in the future, but also at present with your frnds.

I have met parents who treat their children as responsbile people, and the children are charming to be with. Not necessarily awesomely good mannered, but definitely interesting kids.
They have a reason for existence - and that is not to please their parents, but to be there in this world as human beings.

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