May 15th, 2007

Butt seriously

When you travel in a Bombay bus, you will have to stand sometime (or most times). If you choose your timing correctly the bus will not be crowded, you might get a place to sit, else stand spanning at least two seat widths.

However, when the bus is even slightly crowded, you will find people passing you by, when you get a hint of someone passing behind you to the next location, and the hint is nothing more than a slight swish or an occasional light brush, then you will turn to find a male. If however, you are suddenly thrown off balance, pushed, nudged and are in temporary fear of losing your balance, you will turn to find its a lady.

Now don’t get me wrong. The ladies here do not at any cost mean any harm. They too try to swish past with barely a brush. However, they are impeded in their quest by a handbag, and their butts.

Forgive me if I’m presumptuous, but Indian women seem to unanimously have huge butts. I mean, wide, not just big, wide. And I seem to be facing more of it in Maharashtra. It is like their posteriors are a totally different person and personality. When the women walk, their body moves forward, their rears then decide to just-as-well follow the person.

A step forward and a (mili-)second later the butt jiggles. By that time the other leg has moved forward too, so its time for the other butt to jiggle ahead reluctantly.

You have a normal lady, well dressed, slim, or even seemingly toned, till she turns around. All of a sudden there is this huge thing which defies the definition of ‘streamlined’.  You wonder at the physics required to keep the center of gravity of this object which seems like a pillow attached just behind the back, above the legs of a seemingly normal lady, horizontally. Irrespective of age, or height.

So it is through no fault of the ladies that they need more space to sit on, they need more area to stand in, and definitely more corridor space to walk through. They do not mean to push people, it is that symbiote attached to them that does it. Bad, bad, butt.

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