OK! So I am addicted today.
I have been reading quotes and elephant jokes since along time now. Here are some of them.
There are far too many for me to list them all here!

1. "I still live, I still think: I still have to live, for I still have to think." -Friedrich Nietzsche (OK so this one Ive bee using for ages)
2. Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

I dont have either.
(I added that last line in view of my present circumstances *sigh*)
3. If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it.
4. Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
5. Science is a refinement of everyday thinking. - Einstein
6. There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe. - Einstein
7. I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Graucho marx
8. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
9. I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse
10. Go, and never darken my towels again.
(I love this! I mean just use it on anyone. If they're intelligent enough, theyll be perplexed)
11. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
(So darn true!)
12. My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whittish fluid they force down helpless babies.
(Ha ha Sash!)
13. Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.

And if you want to read more, go to http://www.csmngt.com/w__c__fields.htm

All thanks to Rexzilla sending a link on the pranks played by students of Caltech University.